Sighs and Hallelujahs Stories and thoughts about the adventures of life without arms

Weighty Interactions

Interactions with others are one of those strange dichotomies for me. I crave the conversations and connection, yet new relationships are often a field of landmines for me.

As I’ve noted here before, the simple interaction of meeting and greeting new people and the standard introduction of shaking hands creates a situation that requires creativity on my part. What do I say that won’t embarrass the person with an extended hand?

But, more frequently the challenges are unique and harder to navigate. Humans aren’t built to smoothly handle someone different – or, as I often refer to it, the other. You and I’ve been there before – frozen and speechless as we round the corner and encounter someone we weren’t expecting to see. A little person (a dwarf), someone covered in tattoos, a man with little devil horns pierced into his forehead.

You get the idea. We are all surprised and caught off guard at times.

That is my daily existence in encountering people, though. Granted, a guy without arms is not something you’re likely to run into every day. So you’re off the hook on that technicality!

That doesn’t change the amount of effort or maneuvering on my part, though. It just requires me to be a bit more gracious in how I respond to what can be awkward, if not flat-out embarrassing moments.

This week I was instant messaging with a co-worker and friend and he offered this in response to another of my recent blog posts --

“I totally marvel at you all the time. The humility it takes to not only have no arms, but also to interact daily with people who don't know how to interact with you. People have a hard time with DIFFERENT in general. They don't know how to talk to/listen to people with pink hair, nose rings, casts, etc.”

I really appreciate those insightful and kind words, Seth. Sometimes that accommodation can be tiring and tough. So, thanks for recognizing that.

Folks, all I ask is this – that we, including myself, do our best to continue to choose to interact with the other. To take the risk to engage with someone that's outside of our comfort zone and to stumble our way through those awkward moments. And, when possible, that we take responsibility for our words and our actions toward them.

Accommodation can be a heavy weight to carry when you’re doing it multiple times each day, so having someone lift a bit of the weight can be a very relieving gesture.