Sighs and Hallelujahs Stories and thoughts about the adventures of life without arms

21Jun/104

The Dumbest Question

How's this for one of the dumbest questions you could ask a guy without arms?

"So, how do I shake your hand?"

You don't, you idiot!

Unbelievably, I've heard this question a few different times as of late. One guy wanted to shake my foot, while another wanted to shake my shoulder.

Today I looked the questioner in the eye and responded, "You don't." I think that caught him a bit off guard!

How in the world do I answer that? Have at it, readers. I'm soliciting your input.

15Jun/101

Fear of the Unknown

Just a quick check-in tonight. Although I wanted to post something soon, as I missed my normal Sunday night update, I also stopped by here tonight to clear my mind a bit.

This past week or so I've been working on a research paper for my Old Testament class in grad school. This is my second to last class before I fulfill my requirements and graduate. Exciting, huh?

Well, the process of writing this last paper for this class has felt like a slog through the mud. I write quite a bit and I even have a clear picture of where I'm headed with this 10-page paper. Ten pages sounds like a lot, but it really is relatively short in contrast to previous assignments. Although, admittedly, I just want to be finished with classes and my brain has checked out a bit, the struggle to finish this paper has felt much harder than simple "senior-itis". Then, during a dream last night, it hit me!

In my dream I was sitting at the location of my commencement ahead of the ceremony and I just broke down. It felt so overwhelming to be done. I remember saying to a classmate, "Who will I be after this? This is all I've known for so long." It was a horrifying feeling! I was at this event that was supposed to be a celebration and, instead, it felt like an ending -- the death of a part of my identity. I woke up with tears streaming down my face and I thought, "I wonder what that was all about."

As I thought about it this morning, it became clear. For as much excitement, celebration and freedom that lies ahead of me as I complete my degree these next few weeks, I am also very afraid of the unknown. I suppose we all are. Who will I be, at my core, once I have my Master's? What will fill that void of classes and being a student? Those are tough ones for me to answer right now, as silly as it might sound.

All I know is that I'll have to push through it in order to get this damn paper written, because the due date isn't going to wait for me to sort out my life!

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6Jun/100

The Times they are a Changin’

You can almost hear Bob Dylan's voice, huh? Well, although Dylan was a great songwriter, this post is about changes happening in my life. I'm narcissistic like that!

If you're like me, you tend to mark your life at various checkpoints. Only X number of days until the World Cup starts. In two months I'll be going on a vacation. In a year I hope to be doing such and such. So much of my life seems to be spent anticipating the next milestone.

As you most likely know, just a few weeks ago I returned for an extended trip to Italy where I savored the slower pace of life, fantastic food, great wine and natural beauty (both the land and the people!). Even after returning, I kept marking this trip as a key checkpoint. What's next, I thought?

I didn't have to wait long for an answer! Here is what is next for me --

New Job: After ten and a half years at the job I started straight out of college, it was time for a change. After discussions with my previous employer ahead of my trip to Italy, it was agreed that I'd have a short transition period upon my return and then we'd go our separate ways. Time to start the job search, I decided! Upon my return to the U.S., I had a voice message waiting for me from a perspective employer. The next day we talked and they offered me a job. So, one June 1st I started at Masterworks. They are a fundraising agency, just like my previous employer, and I'm excited to have started my new adventure with them last week.

In addition to a pay raise and an agreement to keep my hours worked at a reasonable level, I am joining a group of friends that I had previously worked with. This has made for a nice transition and has helped me, since I'm not exactly one who loves change!

Upcoming Graduation: Although I'm still in the throws of reading and writing papers, the finish line is within sight. On June 26th I will graduate from Mars Hill Graduate School with a Master of Arts in Christian Studies. Even without immediate plans to employ my new degree by heading down a different career path, the personal gain that I've received over these past seven years has been monumental. The years at this school have changed me in ways that I'm eternally grateful for.

In addition to a nifty certificate to display on my shelf, I'm most excited to complete this degree in that it will free up my evenings and weekends for time to relax, play and commune with friends and family. Since September of 2003, most of my evenings and weekends have been occupied with classes, studying and writing papers. Between spending less hours at the office and not dedicating my spare moments to school, I truly believe that my free time will be revolutionized!

Fillin' Up the Free Time: You know I can't just have free time! In all honesty, I've had a couple minor anxiety attacks about what I'll do with all my free time. Not so much the time itself, but who Greg Buell will be once school and working excessive hours are out of the picture. Who am I without those things that have defined me these past ten years?

With the help of trusted friends and advisers, I've pulled together a list of items that I'm going to pursue in my newly-found time: more writing, exercise and time with friends.

- Writing: if you like reading this blog, then you're in luck. (If not, then why are you on this site?!) Currently I'm lucky to find an hour or two per week to write. My new commitment is to dedicate six hours per week to writing. Now, not all of that will be spent here at Sighs and Hallelujahs. But, you will see more frequent posts. Plus, I plan to begin telling my story in a different way -- by working on a memoir about growing up without arms and the moments that have shaped my life. Whether it ever sees the light of day, who knows. Either way, it's within me and it needs to get put down on paper.

- Exercise: have you seen me lately?! Just joking. But, as I get older my flexibility is getting more limited and the extra weight I carry doesn't help that. So, I plan to start yoga classes for flexibility and will be doing regular cardiovascular workouts. If you ever want to walk Greenlake with me, just let me know!

-Time with Friends: the biggest lesson I learned in Italy was to slow down and to enjoy real relationships and conversations -- the ones right in front of me. With so much of our time spent on email, Facebook, texting and phone calls, it's a wonder we ever find time to actually hang out with one another in person! Although it may sound ambitious, my goal is to truly connect and commune with friends twice a week. I'm not talking a quick happy hour, then on to the next thing. I really want to take time to enjoy a meal, share a bottle of wine, or hear and share stories and laughs without feeling rushed. So, contact me if you want to be on the list early on! This is the most exciting part of these upcoming changes for me.

The times they are a changin'. Yes, indeed, they are. And I can't wait to see what life holds!