Sighs and Hallelujahs Stories and thoughts about the adventures of life without arms

Heard that Before

This past week I've been extraordinarily aware of the words and actions of people around me. Tonight, after calling in a pizza order, I pulled up to Domino's as another gentleman was carrying his pizza out the door. He hopped in his car, where his wife was waiting, as I walked into the shop with my wallet on my shoulder. A few minutes later I turned around to see his SUV still parked, with both he and his wife looking at me through the storefront windows.

I thought it was odd, but it became even weirder when he started the car as I exited the building -- both of them watching me intently the entire time. I got in my car while he backed out of the parking stall a couple spaces to my left. But, instead of pulling behind me and leaving the parking lot, he simply waited for me to back up and exit before he shifted from reverse into gear to exit out the opposite driveway. I guess I was completely fascinating to them -- in the same way I assume I'd stare at an alien as it walked across the crosswalk in front of me. The staring from both he and his wife was not well disguised... not in the least.

It's times like this where I wish I had a middle finger. I'd have used it on this guy!

And, oh, the guy at the Domino's counter uttered a phrase I've heard many times throughout my life (see the first bullet point below). It was a f#$%@ing fantastic trip when it comes to dealing with the reality of my experiences without arms.

That inspired me to consider several of the phrases that I've heard consistently throughout my life:

- "Oh, I didn't expect for you to be able to sign that." Just what the guy said tonight. It's understandable, considering you're asking the guy without arms across the counter from you to sign a receipt! It usually leads to a decent exchange between me and the individual that states it, though. I offer that I've had lots of practice and the exchange usually ends with a kind compliment from the other person.

- "Which pocket is it in?" When I'm alone I have to ask a cashier to help me get my wallet out of my pocket. "Jacket pocket," I answer. Most of the time I'm thinking to myself, "Do you think I'd ask you to pull it out of my pants pocket?!" They often seem relieved by my answer!

- "Are you cold?" This is the single most frequent question I get asked. The assumption is that I am hiding my arms inside my shirt because I'm cold. I would understand it -- if I were six years old! From the moment I hear the question I can anticipate the horrified look on the other person's face when I answer, "No, I was just born without arms." There's really no way to salvage the conversation at that point!

- "How are you going to do that?" Hey, I appreciate the honesty! Sometimes I'm wondering the same thing. More often than not, though, it is in response to something like how I'm going to pick up two bags of groceries at the same time. Again, I usually smile kindly and offer that I've been at this no-arms thing for a while and I have lots of experience. That's often met with a blank stare as I complete the task in question. It's usually only after I walk away that they snap out of their "WTF?" mode.

With each of these encounters I don't necessarily hold it against the people who say these things. It's not everyday that you encounter a person without arms. And, I'm not that sensitive that I'm offended by every double-take or odd reaction.

But, I must admit, sometimes it does get old. I'd just love to go a day or a week without hearing these phrases.